It isn't going to be all about babies is it?

The eternal quest to finding your "thing"

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The power of encouragement

It’s been a wonderful week since publishing my first post on Substack. It has been heart-warming to receive all your encouraging comments and to feel spurred on to keep writing. The best part has been the hunt to find the man who provoked such a strong reaction in me about utility rooms. I’ll have to build up the tension on that one for a while yet. The assumption that my writing would be about babies as that’s all I talk about was a surprise. I’m monitoring my go-to topics of conversation carefully now!

The exam-ready approach to life

A Hypnobirthing client once told me that she prepared for birth like it was an exam and that was such a lightbulb moment for me. I could whole-heartedly relate to it - it is the approach I take to life in general. For any decision I need to make, I spend a lot of time thinking about the pros and cons and researching the best way to do it. To use some corporate terminology that would’ve once had me rolling my eyes, I “socialise” my ideas to gather other people’s opinions and then still, I might sit on it for an undefined time period until I’m absolutely sure it’s right for me. I’ve got to be exam-ready before I take the first step even if my gut instinct is showing me the clear path ahead.

When it came to creating a Substack, I read several articles to learn about the best way to do it. A few pointers have stayed with me:

1. Use your existing contacts list to get started. That posed a bit of problem for me as I don’t have one of those, so instead I’m posting on my social media accounts with the few followers and connections that I do have.

2. Consistency is key. I touched on this last week. Publishing at the same time each week builds familiarity with your readers and shows your commitment. One of my favourite women, Lisa Lister, writes much better than me about why a weekly commitment suits the men in this world better than cyclic women.

3. Be specific with the topic that you’re writing about. That makes perfect sense to me but it poses a problem with another life-long thought that I’ve always wondered about - what is my thing?

What am I the best at?

I’ve always wanted to have a “thing” that I was known for. At school, I was equally good at maths and languages. Although not physics. A memorable life moment will always be my GSCE physics teacher saying with exasperation “how come you’re good at maths, but so bad at physics?”.

I didn’t fit into the STEM crowd or the arty one, although the memory of bringing in iced fingers for quadruple Further Maths on a Monday morning still stirs up so much joy. My brain seemed capable of dipping in and out of various subjects, without ever becoming the best at anything. The desire to be the best is strong. How many of us remember SMART targets? Wanting to be best is clearly unachievable, unrealistic and most of the time unmeasurable.

I recently told my son that I was great at maths at school. He looked at me very seriously and without any shred of doubt said “I’m even better”. I’m delighted that he is so full of confidence, but I know what a problem it can be to hold yourself to high standards. Not knowing when to give up, change direction and let go of perfectionism is difficult.

Despite loving maths at school, I hated almost every minute of my maths degree. The few highlights were modules in Creative Writing, History of Maths and Maths Education. I even wrote an essay about how maths is a language. After uni, I chose to train as an actuary, finally passing one of the technical exams on my fifth attempt, whilst passing all of the wordy exams on the first attempt. The conflict of trying to pin down what exactly it is that I’m good at continued.

I didn’t see that coming

After the carefully planned and calculated decision to become a mother (can I insert my own eye-roll emoji here?), I applied that exam-based logic - if I study hard enough, I will pass the exam on giving birth.

Not only did I discover that giving birth was my favourite thing to do in the world (I know I know - I’m a weirdo), but the desire to support other women during their pregnancy and motherhood journeys took me entirely by surprise.

Over the last five years, I trained to be a doula and a hypnobirthing teacher, attending positive birth and maternal mental health conferences. It couldn’t contrast further from the corporate world that I’ve worked in, where I’ve spent years craving the buzz from the big juicy change projects.

So what am I going to write about?

Here I am again. I’ve got two entirely different sides to me, with a sprinkling of other big life changes happening around me.

A colleague recently provided the following feedback: “Claire - you always ask the difficult questions that have to be addressed”. Now, unlike that irritating desire to be the best, asking difficult questions is a consistent life theme that I’d like to keep. While I feel my way through all the changes in my career and home life, this Substack is a creative outlet to explore those questions.

I’m also feeling bold enough that I’m going to ignore those top tips of how to have a successful Substack and write about what I care about. That might mean that you’re in for more of a personal blog, a rant about virtue-signalling ads on the Tube or some difficult questions about whether women can ever achieve workplace equity.

P.S. Does mentioning my son in this post count as talking about babies all the time?